I forgot to eat last Tuesday. The whole day. I don’t usually do things like that. Left to my own devices, I usually pass on breakfast and maybe lunch, but I snack and eat a lot for dinner. The problem on Tuesday was that by the time dinner rolled around, I had already started on A Project. And working on that project took me outside of the bounds of normal time and space to a place where seven hours can pass in the blink of an eye.

On Tuesday, I decided it was finally time to revamp my website. Earlier this year, I had worked with a branding consultant to help me update my digital look in advance of trying to put more effort into my photography business. Once we had reached the end of the project and it came time for me to execute the digital strategy we had come up with, I did none of it and instead started working more on this newsletter.

That doesn’t seem like the best strategy on its face, but hear me out. The digital strategy execution mostly entailed content creation for social media sites. I hate “content creation”. I don’t want to beg Instagram to show my photos to people or hope that I can break through the overwhelming number of ads in people’s Facebook feeds. Videography is fun for me, but it’s very time consuming and I can’t commit to being consistent on YouTube.

After spending some time on Substack, I found and decided that I didn’t have to throw out everything we had created. But I also didn’t have to let the giant social networks own my content and gatekeep my access to people who wanted to see my posts. Between this newsletter and my website and my photo print sales site, I could still develop and modernize my look online without having to subject myself to the whims of The Algos.

Check out my new website!

The impetus to finally get to work on it was a request from for photographers to share their work with him. I’m certainly not going to turn down an opportunity to promote my work1, but my website didn’t show off my more recent work and it didn’t properly showcase who I am in 2024 to anyone who happened to visit it. So if I wanted to share my work, I had to put the work into the website.

Entering the time void

After work, I got started updating my website. I started around 5:30 PM and when I looked up next, it was 11:30 PM. The whole night was gone. I don’t know if I had moved off the couch once that whole time. How did this happen?

It’s actually very straightforward, and by now, I’m used to this. I had puzzles to solve, and that occupied my brain so fully that I had no idea what was happening in the world around me. I had to update my landing page and make sure it rendered correctly on devices of all sizes! I had to figure out how to upload custom fonts and then how to use them!

A never-ending to-do list is usually pretty overwhelming for me, but these were all challenges and opportunities to learn things rather than mundane tasks, so they were exciting. As it happens with a big project, every solved problem begets two new unsolved mysteries, and instead of getting frustrated, I was enthralled.

That rarely happens for me at work. I struggle to get into the groove on tasks because it’s rare that I’m tasked with a new problem to solve. When I do get those sorts of assignments, I’m more efficient than anyone could possibly imagine, but these totally engrossing projects far more rarely assigned to me by anyone who writes me checks than they are assigned to me by…me.

Why does this happen?

I hate sounding like one of those people who cannot stop bringing up ADHD in any conversation ever, but I do think this is a result of that. It’s pretty common among folks with ADHD and it’s called hyperfocus. I tend to get hyperfocused when I’m troubleshooting, solving stubborn problems, or doing something new. Setting up and managing our NAS and its related applications have often triggered my hyperfocus because all of this is completely new to me.

I like solving novel problems, but once a task becomes routine, I struggle to complete it until there’s an impending deadline2 and I face shame or failure if I don’t get it done. And most jobs are simply a series of repeating tasks, at least in my experience.

On the other hand, I don’t know anyone else who can focus on things the way I can if I’m interested in solving a problem. I said it earlier in this piece, but it truly feels like I escape the constraints of linear time when I’m deeply focused on something.

I don’t struggle with prioritizing tasks when I’m in this state the way I do in my normal, daily life. Everything simply flows seamlessly. I’m able to investigate things, solve a problem, and then immediately move on to the next task I have to tackle. There’s no process interruption to break me out of my trance, so I’m able to continue until I’ve run out of tasks. And then I surface.

It’s always a little disorienting coming back into the world. I usually realize I really need to pee, and that I’m simultaneously starving, thirsty, and mentally exhausted. But it’s also incredibly fulfilling to look at what I was able to do in such a short period of time. It’s reassuring, too. There are a lot of things in life that I have to work harder at to get done than some folks do, and while I’ve developed a lot of guardrails and strategies to make those things easier to do, I often end the day wondering if I’m even remotely functional.

On days like Tuesday, though, I am reassured that there is a benefit to the way my brain works that balances out the daily frustrations. Getting into the deep focus state feels like the closest thing to a superpower that I can imagine. I wouldn’t trade my superpower for the ability open up a spreadsheet and just get to work even if I could.